Saturday, January 9, 2010

What would you do if you found out your spouse was having an affair?

Serious answers only. Would you just up and file for divorce? Try to get to the root of the problem and try to work things out? Would it be easy for you to leave the one you love? What would your honest reaction be to the situation?What would you do if you found out your spouse was having an affair?
Well, If I was married, (I'm not) and my wife cheated on me that would be the end of it. It would be hard. It would be SO hard. You see, i'm not the kind of guy that looks at marriage as a convenience, a solution to loneliness. When I marry, I will love my wife so much... our life would never be drab or boring. I would make sure that she knew everyday how much I love her.

If she under any circumstance, trashed our relationship and cheated... it would be over. I think when someone gets to the point where they cheat on you, love is gone. The only reason they may say that they are sorry is because they don't want to loose that security. Whether it is financial, social, or emotional security... they don't want to loose it. They say they are so ashamed, they'll never do it again! Why did they do it in the first place?? Because love is gone. Respect is a joke. Trust is dead. Before someone cheats, they have a desire to cheat. When someone other than your spouse is sexy to you---- you have a problem. it's not up to the innocent spouse to try and understand it, it is up to the guilty spouse to explain to themselves and their spouse why things are going bad. But remember, no matter how bad a marriage gets cheating is a sin. The cheater is the guilty party. There is no excuse!

You asked four questions

Would you just up and file for divorce? Yes, for reasons stated up above, I would feel trust is dead. Will it happen again, When will it happen again. Can I ever trust her again. How much must she not love, respect or care about me to have done that. I don't think it would be healthy to stay together.

Try to get to the root of the problem and try to work things out? The problem is not anything between us it in the cheating spouse. If they feel the marriage is falling a part the solution is not to cheat. The solution is to confront your spouse, seek marriage councling, try and fix things. Or just get a divorce. Honestly no one cheats because a marriage is falling apart. They cheat because it has fallen apart and they choose that sleezy path!

Would it be easy for you to leave the one you love? God no! As I said I'm not married. But I could imagine how much I would love my wife if I ever get married. I would think back on all of the special times in my life.... every one of them would become painful, thinking of where things have gotten to. I would think of all the things I wanted to do with her, and for her. Any love song would be a dagger in my heart. Every sad song would be my shadow. I would be a mess and not really suitable for company.

What would your honest reaction be to the situation?

I don't think I could hate her. I would probably still love her. Love is not a faucet that you just turn off and on! If it's real it will take a long time to heal your heart. I would try and handle things calmly, but there would be a tornado of emotions storming in my heart. I would feel like diing. I would want the divorce to be fair. In fact, I would want to be generous with things. I don't think I would ask ';why.'; I think it would be obvious that she doesn't love me anymore, and I wouldn't want to put her in the situation of telling me a lie. I wouldn't feel guilty... there is nothing I could have done to drive her into someone elses bed.

I think if I ever get married, I can totally trust my wife. We would have the same definition of what love really is!!

Hope this helps. feel free to contact me for any follow ups!What would you do if you found out your spouse was having an affair?
It would be heartbreaking to find out and difficult to leave him but Your self respect demands it.A woman who puts up with a cheating snake is allowing him to torment her soul.It would be better for her to take the responsibilty to stand up and say.No;I don't deserve this disrespect;I do deserve to be Loved and you will not have another woman on the side.I would kick his sorry tail out;and file for a divorce and be very serious about it;or sell my stuff and leave and start over again.It would be difficult but I got myself a counsoler to help me get through my divorce and have become a much stronger person for it....
Well if I had been asked this question 2 days ago, i would say that automatic divorce would be the answer.But last night I found out that he slept with another woman last year.I am going crazy! He sincerely regrets it and we also have 2 small children so i have to be honest. I don't love him anymore, because after the words came out of his mouth i lost everything i ever had for him.but now...I told him that i would stay with him and see if i MIGHT have it in me to somehow get past it and learn to forgive him...but i don't see i happening.
It's not easy to leave the one you love. I'm not sure what my reaction would be but I'd probably confront the man she was having an affair with and convince him it wasn't in the interest of maintaining his health to mess with my wife. No I wouldn't just up and file for a divorce but I'd talk it over with her. An affair sounds more like a love affair more than it does a sexual encounter or affair and I think a love affair would be much worst to handle.
I guess no-one really knows what they would do unless or until they are actually in that situation. I have thought about it though, and I honestly don't think I'd be angry. I'd be way past angry into that more calculating zone of cool indifference. I suspect a sort of cold determination would set over me. I wouldn't want him anymore, ever, and yes we would certainly separate immediately and divorce as quickly as practicable. I just wouldn't have any desire to ';work things out'; if it had come to the ultimate betrayal. I would take the kids and go. I would maintain a civil relationship with him for the sake of the children, but I would never reconcile with him. Our marriage would be over, forever. He knows that though, so if he ever does have an affair, he knows what the consequences will be. And he feels exactly the same way. I know if I would ever cheat and I got caught, I'd be out, no turning back. I would lose him forever. It's a sobering thought.
If my husband were cheating on me, I would first want to know why he did was he getting something from her that I wasn't doing for him?

Then I would want him to choose, and if he choose me then we could work it out, but If I in anyway thought he was going to keep going back to her, i would get a divorce..A marriage could only work if both people are giving it their all and If one person isn't working as hard as the other and is going outside the relationship then it isn't worth it.

But if you can't find it in your heart to forgvie and forget then you need to leave him even if he wants to work it out. If you say you forgive him, then you have to stop talking about it and using it against him in fights or whatever.. don't say that you will forgive him and then keep bringing it up.
I would be shocked but my first reaction would really depend on HOW I found out. If I find out by snooping I would be so angry that I wouldn't even consider trying to work it out because who knows how long it's been going or would continue to go. If it was a one time thing and he told me right away then honestly I don't know what I'd do. I already have trust issues and would want to believe it would be a one time thing but I don't think it would be so I'm sure I'd leave if I didn't things would def. spiral down hill from that point anyways and I'd drive him farther away for sure.
Its the worst feeling ever. I cheated on my wife because there were rumors of her having an affair with numerous men. My wife was so hurt so she went out and cheated with one of my friends and it hurt me worst. We are still together 2 years later and the marriage is never the same but we have tried to work it out. Its hard looking at the guy that was my friend knowing that he knows how my wife looks naked and how she feels and how she moans. She really got me back good and I have not cheated since.
I honestly think that it would depend on the situation. There is always 2 sides to a story and I would want to know his. But depending on the situation and only cause we have kids I would give him a chance to change and earn back the trust. Some of the happiest peopl are people who have survived infedelity. It has made people understand and appretiate eachother more and brought them together. THere is always a positive side to things and I think people need to think more positive.
I think I would want to understand what the situation was first. Did it happen once, or did it happen many times? If it happened once, you may be able to forgive and forget (after long hard work, and couples counseling)...and if it happened over an extensive period of time or more than once, I'd say the relationship is probably over at least from a trust standpoint...and without the trust you cannot continue a relationship.
well the first time he cheated...i was forgiving...i blamed myself and thought i wasn't doing enough or being what he needed. the next time i hated him and blamed him and said i was leaving. he fought hard to keep me and said he'd get counseling and make things better and never hurt me again. i believed him. i didn't want to leave the person i have loved for so long and gave my life to. the third time i realized i didn't love him anymore because he didn't love me enough to not hurt me on purpose. is it easy to leave? never is. in the long run is it the best thing you can do for yourself....yes.
when my ex husband cheated and left me for the other woman my first reaction was to try to reconcile to get to the problem and work it out, after all when u invest 10 yrs in someone and u have a home and your older the last thing u want is to be divorced and alone. but due to how he chose to deal with it, telling me to find someone new that he wanted to pursue this and he would let me know later i just decided he had already chosen her over me and it was best to get a divorce. had he been remorseful, had he agreed to come home and try i probably would have accepted him back. but looking back now the best thing u can do when a spouse is unfaithful is to divorce them because its something u never get over.
Ask him why? Are you in LOVE with me? Do you want to leave or stay? Ask would he like to go to counseling. I would not hold anybody if they were not happy with me. I would let them go no matter how bad its hurts. I would feel he lost a good thing. One mans lost is another mans treasurer. Good Luck :-)
follow ur heart, some people would just leave, but my hubby of 13 years cheated, got a chic pregnant, wants to leave cause he thinks i wont truly forgive him, but i still love him and wanna make it work, why? cause my heart is not done with this love yet, so follow ur heart dear. and it helps to seek JESUS, he is what is helping me through.
give him what he's having the affair to get... if he's wanting a certain sex act and you won't give it up if you want to keep him give it up!

it's amazing the number of marriages that break up over a what amounts to a BJ a week.
It depends on what you really want. Stop, and breathe before you make any irrational decisions. Anything can be repaired with time. If it was me, honestly I would be upset at first, but I would look at the bigger picture and see what was really important to me.
Try to get to the root of the problem and try to work things out, if that didnt work, i would file for divorce.
I would kick him to the curb! Then I would slowly die from the loss, hurt, and betrayal. It would kill me to lose my husband, but I will NOT be cheated on ever again! Been there and done that, too many times. Never, ever again!
Depends on all the circumstances surrounding it but if it was his first time, I would attempt marriage counseling to get to the root of the problem. Best of luck!
the only 2 things that would cause me to divorce my husband is 1) if he cheats and 2) he starts abusing me or the kids

so ys i would file for divorce the sec i found out
We would be in counseling before the sun set today to get to the root of the problem. I've always told my husband he gets one oopsie.
i would let her know she don't have to cheat she can just leave. I wouldn't jump to divorce i want her to decide who she wants.
if u habe kids dont itll be hard on them and try to seee IF hes cheating if he his devorce if u have kids dont aand work it out
Walk out to the Lawyers office and get the divorce I informed I would if she cheated again!
I really don't think that anyone knows what they would do unless it has happened to them.
I would leave him because i would not be able to get rid of the fact that he cheated... and if he had really loved u he would of not done that.
divorce. 'nuff said

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