Thursday, April 29, 2010

What is the least painful and easiest way to forgive your spouse for cheating?

Can you ever trust them again? How do you not stop thinking about it, or bring it up when the next arguement hits?Does the marriage eventually break up anyways? Can people be happy after cheating and the spouse finds out?What is the least painful and easiest way to forgive your spouse for cheating?
If you are going to make this marriage a life sentence of punishment for him then you have not really forgiven him. It takes time but if you keep bringing it up in arguments there is no way to rebuild the relationship and trust. Go to counseling.What is the least painful and easiest way to forgive your spouse for cheating?
No one can speak for all couples or individuals, but this is my experience.

After being accused of cheating regularly for over 8 years, I finally did. When I got my head back on right I confessed to her and asked her forgiveness, and threw myself back into the marriage 110%. Thought everything was fine for the next 9 years, even though I had to hear about it every time she got angry about anything. Well, the guy she used to date 22 years ago wrote her a letter and she immediately snuck out and jumped straight into bed with him. 5 months ago, she threw away our 21 year marriage, forced me out and moved him in. So now I'm going through a divorce that I did not expect or want, not because I could not forgive her, but because she is obviously incapable of forgiveness. So make up your own mind on this. From what I see from MOST of the women on here, and their attitude toward forgiveness, I wouldn't give a plug nickle for your chances. But it's really going to depend on how much of this the two of you can committ into the hands of God, because that is where real forgiveness comes from.
Yes, there are marriages that work through this together and end up very happy. But there is no easy way of doing it. You both need to be tuned into working through it together. Therapy or counseling can help so much because a third person can objectively make you see things you wouldn`t yourself and for your husband also.

Is it easy? No, it is not. It takes a lot of effort, strength, forgivness, patience and perseverance, which many couples give up into.

Bu he needs to be very willing to want to make it work, and that makes it a little bit easier for you to want to make it work as well...I believe every marriage has a solution no matter what the problem, as long as the couple wants to give it another chance. But it`s got to be about both wanting...

I just read everyone`s answers and they are very very negative ones, immediate discouragement for you right now. Most people can`t make it because the couple together, as one, wasn`t willing to try...but if you are it is worth a shot, if you both are, things can get better. How long will it take, a long time probably, but is it worth it...yes it is because marriage is not easy, it doesn`t have to be perfect and it comes with very difficult times, even unffair ones.
Its possible to happy again yes, but probably 98% of the time the relationship ends. Even if not right away, the lack of trust slowly erodes at your emotions and your feelings towards your partner. The questions you should ask yourself are:

What was his/her reason for cheating?

Do I think that is a valid reason?

What would I be thinking if I was in his/her shoes the moment before they cheated?

Why am I with this person If I cant even trust them?

Finally, look inside yourself and ask if you could ever be with someone who was willing to throw you away for someone else.
answering the question:The better way out of that situation,is only getting divorce as soon as possible.Start again a new relationship; and forget that

terrible and wrong past time.There is not a way at all, to be happy after a cheating (does not matter who is the cheater).Couples try to work out sometimes,having a counseling time,etc.But at the end the picture of the cheating is always in their minds.Good question.
I get thumbs down every time I share this, BUT I decided it was his mistake, it had nothing to do with me, and I dismissed it. We stayed married another 12 years, and divorced for an unrelated reason.

This worked. I never thought about it again, I wasn't suspicious of him, and we were happy.

I could have reacted the way others think I should have, but I was happy and married. They were happy (and I question that, they SEEM bitter) and alone.
I wouldn't.I couldn't.I'd be gone before you could say divorce.

Although I've never been married, I have been cheated on several different times by two men that claimed they loved me , wanted to marry me...blah ,blah blah.

boy am I glad I never married the fools!

some people, although they must be far and few, can manage to pick up and continue on in a marrige wherein one has betrayed the other.

I always wondered about peoples reasons for marrying especially when they knew themselves enough to know they'd cheat on their spouse.

It would take a saint to handle living with a cheater.

i couldn't do it and i'd have to bite my lip to not bring it up all the time.

Nope. Not me. I have no tolerance left.

Betrayal is such a horrible, ugly thing to do.I could never do it to anyone.
No you can never trust them again. You never stop thinking about it or bringing it up. The marriage does eventually break up anyways. People can be happy after cheating and the spouse finds out - just not with the person that cheated on them. You know what they say ';once a cheater, always a cheater';. Something to think about...if you had not found out about the cheating - how long would it have gone on?
To have faith in Jesus Christ so that He can provide you with the grace needed to forgive. You should know, however, that trust in your husband is earned (not respect), so it will take time to trust him again.

God bless you for not giving up on your husband. Please, please, rent or buy the movie Fireproof and watch it together. That is a GREAT STARTING POINT for where you are now.
well u can forgive them but if they lied to u about u should just live them cause chances are they are still sleeping behind your back
It's been almost 2 years, I still do not stop thinking about it. But I do realize we all make mistakes. He is human. It's no excuse for cheating, but we are not perfect. Trust, I'm not sure if you ever fully trust them again. I want to trust my husband, but I know down deep inside I don't. It gets easier and I can say I do not think it about it 24/7 like I use to. And eventually you have to decide if you want the marriage to work or not. If you do, you have to learn not to throw it up to them every time you argue. Eventually they will get tired of hearing about their mistake and they will want out. As my husband told me, ';I'm sorry for what I did to you and I will spend every day of my life trying to make it up to you. But you cannot keep throwing my mistake up to me and making me feel worse than I already do. And if you do, then I know you do not forgive me and I will let you go.'; We have to live and learn. Was there a reason he cheated? I'm not saying you did anything wrong. But a lot of times, but not always, a person is looking for something that is missing at home. That's when we find out why the cheated and we do our part as well to make sure they are happy at home. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry anyone does. I know exactly how much it hurts. It does get easier as the days go by. And marriage counseling wouldn't hurt. Just remind yourself as I do each day, he may have went to that little homewrecking tramp for awhile, but it was me that he finally came home to and has stayed home with. I promise it will get easier to deal with if you allow it. But I will not lie to you and say that you will not think about it from time to time. But yes, you can be happy again. You have to ask yourself, ';Do I love him?'; ';Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him?'; And if you can answer yes, then with a lot of work and a lot of love, you can make it through it. Just remind yourself, he isn't perfect. I told myself that, he isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me. He made a mistake and we will make it through it. I wish you the very best of luck!

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