Monday, December 28, 2009

All my spouse and I do is fight. How can we make things work?

The worst part is that everytime we have a fight, the topic turns to us splitting up. It's really hard to trust someone when you always feel like they are planning to leave you.All my spouse and I do is fight. How can we make things work?
My wife always talked about divorcing me everytime she got angry with me. One time, I forgot to take out the trash, and she said, ';You know what, I've had it with you. Pack your bags and get out--I'm filing for divorce first thing in the morning!';

Of course, I knew she was blowing hot air since she always said the same thing 4 or 5 times a month. But this time when she said that, I changed my marital status on my profiles from ';Married'; to ';Single,'; then the next day left out a newspaper on my desk with apartment ads circled. I also packed my clothes into a suitcase and left it sitting on the bed where she could see it and packed some odds and ends into boxes.

Long story short: a) She begged me to stay and told me she loved me and really didn't mean all that and b) that was the LAST time she threatened me with a divorce...and it's been 4 years!

Give it a shot.All my spouse and I do is fight. How can we make things work?
Good question.Both need to sit down,go to someplace can be a good restaurant,or cafeteria,or at home and talk seriously about those fighting.

First talk in peace,without anger,and find what is the real cause both are fighting all the time.Then have an agreement to stop to fight at all.

Instead that,try and solve any problem or difference both have.

Is the only way to live in harmony,peace and love.If you do not try that,the relationship can be over anytime,for sure.Good luck.

Communication is the key to have a good marriage.

Lack of Communication is one of the reasons, of a lot of unhappy marriages and divorces.
The first part is simpler than the second.

For the first part:

Both of you get a piece of paper and a pen, write down what is needed from the other and apology for what he/she thinks has done wrong.

For the second part: [It's really hard to trust someone when you always feel like they are planning to leave you.] If this is really what goes on, it will be, sorrowfully enough, difficult to handle.
Why do you want to live like this? So much fighting and threats to leave, it must be unbelievably stressful for you both!

Go back to basics, date each other a couple of times a week, make sure you spend time alone with your friends and family, tell each other what you are doing and when you want to see them. Make sure that you are on the same page - communication is a must, even tho you may not be doing whatever it is with your partner, you should always let them know what you plans are prior to them happening, just to make sure that there are no other plans already in place.

So often when we get into a relationship, we lose our own identity, friends, hobbies etc...

Have your own life! That way, when you do get together, you have plenty to chat about, share your opinions on and laugh at!!

Most of all don't resent each other a little happiness and freedom. Relax and just go with the flow.

If you do need to ';discuss'; anything, do it calmly, if tempers start to fray, make a cup of tea, take a few minutes to regroup and start again.

Very simple, yet very effective rules to a happy and healthy relationship.

Take care you, Lulu x
for me when a couple fight doesnt mean they are not compatible but instead they love each other that they want to correct each other. Both of you have problems to each other that you are not telling to your partner. Try to talk to your wife in a sweet way, love her, then talk to her what bothers you, what you think she is doing wrong and things to improve your marrige. AVoid provoking each other like to split up. Have a deal that no matter what dont say split or put a consequence for that.

My husband and I fight alot for non sense reason. Make it a big deal. He have a really bad trying to tell him when he is upset with something before he get mad tell me right away so I can stop or know because I cant read his mind...he sometimes tells me just to get divorce and all, I just be quiet and let him talk even it hurts me at the end he comes to me and apologize then thats the time i cry and tell him whats wrong with him. Because I cant get mad at him at the same time or it will be war. One have to understand and back out while the other one is having a crazy mood swing attack.
Read what you wrote right here : ] This could be a problem. You need Communication in order to have any kind of relationship.;鈥?/a>
why are you even trying to make it work? all you do is fight so leave. your marriage isn't more special than all the other crappy ones out there that end in divorce.
Me and my husband do that sometimes and it's over silly stuff. You need to find friends and spend a little time apart you know hanging with friends and it'll help.

Good luck!
Oy! I just recieved a text that may help you. It says anger is sometimes the most childish, easy way of expressing ';deepest love.'; Does that help you?
Seems like you two have a communication problem... You might benefit in seeking counseling!, that is if you both agree and want to make your marriage work!
just ask him if he wants to leave or just pack your bags and go without saying anything i'm sure it will shock him enough to shut him up for a while
Yup, it is hard. Think things will get better? Probably not.

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