Tuesday, December 22, 2009

How do you and your spouse split up holidays between the two families?

My boyfriend and I are getting ready to be engaged. His family lives in one state, my family in another, I live in a third state, and he in a fourth. It's not possible to drive from one family's home to the other overnight - it's about a 12 hour drive or more.

How do you and your spouse divide time for holidays, and how much distance is between your families' homes? How did you decide which holidays to spend where?How do you and your spouse split up holidays between the two families?
we go back and forth one xmas we do his parents, then next year mine, then same with thanksgiving. we did have times when we stayed home with just us and went no where. its a hassel but you have to visit the family.How do you and your spouse split up holidays between the two families?
I have to agree with Isara, my husband and I have been spending them apart. Only I'm theone that compromises and alternates. It's not fair and I truly believe it is a huge red flag and hurts the marriage because you feel such a lack of ';unity'; in ur marriage. Like ur partner doesn't care.

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Obviously you both want to be with your family for the holidays so it麓s pretty simple, christmas eve with one family and new years eve with the other. Now, how to decide which family for christmas eve and new year麓s, that麓s for you to decide.

But what most people do is if you decide to be with your family for Christmas eve, next year it be for New year麓s, and rotate every year. It works for a lot of couples to be fair every time.

In my case we always travel abroad for Christmas to see my sister and brother who live in the US (I leave outside) and so we never spend Christmas with my husband麓s family but then again, we are with them all year long so it is only fair to be with my family for this holidays. It works for us, doesn麓t mean this works for everybody, but the best way to decide is by been fair and understanding.
the best idea is to STAY HOME on holidays and visit the family the other 350 days of the year........

if you have children, and we are talking about Christmas day; DO NOT drag those kids away from their home, their tradition, their toys, their emerging memories of stuffing cooking in the oven; cinnamon rolls and milk for breakfast; do not make them dress up and drag them from house to house just so you can visit every relative you and your husband have on one day....let them make their wonderful memories and let yourselves enjoy it! Your families can stop by your house and visit.....

Maybe do the every other holiday thing. For 1 holiday you go to your families, and for the next, you go to his. You would just have to decide which holidays you go to that family. If you have a good time come Christmas at your families, and so does your hubby, then go to yours, Theres really only 2 major holidays Ive ever traveled out of state for and thats thanksgiving and Christmas.
I live 8 hours from my family, but my husband's is all within a hour. Before we had kids, we alternated between each family at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now, it's always Thanksgiving with mine. It worked out that way because it was just too hard having Santa follow us so far...

It doesn't help that my mother-in-law lays major guilt on us (and the kids) if we're not with her on ALL holidays. I hope yours will be more understanding. Try to get both your mother and mother-in-law on the same page with you about your holiday plans right away, and you'll save yourself a lot of grief.
My family and my husbands family don't live far from each other so we usually have a christmas eve with his dad's side of the family then one with his mom's side of the family, then we stay the night at his mom's house and have christmas morning with her and his sisters. We then come back and have christmas with my family. But this year my new sister-in-law wants to have a christmas before christmas eve so she can cook for us all and one of my two brothers has to have a christmas on christmas eve because that is the day he gets his son.
He goes to his own, I go to my own. At first it made things easier but it has been 7 years and now it hurts us. It is hard to think of us as a family even though we are married. We live like we are still only a part of our own family. His mom gets mad that I dont come over but this whole arrangement is his idea.
my husband and I are spending the holiday alone our kids are adults. His daughter is spending time with her mom, my son is spending time with friends. We will have phone calls. His daughter wants to spend time with us in California and Alaska after this winter. We are flexible.
For Thanksgiving, we go to his family one year and mine the next. For Christmas, we spent Christmas eve with his family and mine on Christmas Day.
wow how do u even get to see each other let alone the family geesh...anyway one holiday we're with his fam tha next my fam and so on and so forth then one major holiday they come visit us
we do what i want! she knows her place

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