Monday, December 28, 2009

How do you get your spouse to grow up? Or how do you unspoil your spouse?

How do you get a 25 year old male to pick up after himself and to cook for himself? So that he does not have to rely on me to do everything for him. Also how do I get him to get his own can od soda from the refrig?How do you get your spouse to grow up? Or how do you unspoil your spouse?
I have the same problem with my husband. A 26 year old man who can't even pick up his own dish. I don't mind cooking for him and making his plate... but really... can't he get his own soda? So I stopped doing the things I thought he should do. And he even picked up his own dish and rinsed it off before putting it in the sink.How do you get your spouse to grow up? Or how do you unspoil your spouse?
Unfortunately I truly believe most men dont grow up til about 35. However, maybe you just need to talk to him about being part of a couple and how that requires team work and he isnt doing anything for his half of the team.

If you are wanting him to cook buy some microwave things that he can easily cook for himself. Dont cook and if he gets hungry enough he will get up and get something. The same goes for the can of soda. If he dont get it make him go thirsty.
There is no easy way to modify his behavior. The way that works best is called Tough Love. Tell him that you love him but will not do things for him anymore. If he wants his cloths washed, he knows where to put them. If he wants to eat something other than what you have prepared, he can fix it himself.

Then stand firm. Step over his dirty cloths and do not even look at them. Ignore him if he says he is hungry. It is not easy and you will have to live in a dirty house for a while. But when he has no more clean clothes and complains about it, you can just tell him that you did wash everything that was in the hamper.

Tough Love does work, but it requires you to be very assertive and to stand your ground.
You shouldn't have let him get away from it from the start.

I see so many women who do everything for their spouses. Then all of a sudden they get sick of it.

Just stop doing it for him and hope he learns.

I get up to get my fiance a drink if we are both sitting down. But he does the same for me when i'm feeling lazy. It needs to work both ways.
Last question first. Don't get it for him

Your husband is ';defective';, his programming is incomplete.

Take him BACK to Wal-Mart and exchange him for an operational one.

You know Wal-Mart takes pretty much anything back, right?
Refuse to do these the things you don't want to do. Sooner or later he will either have to do it himself or go without.
Let me know if you get a good answer, 28 yr old hubby still leaves his mess around.
Don't get anything for him. He'll learn and do it himself.
Stop doing it for him. He'll learn real quick

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